January 15, 2015

Lost in the dark

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:32 pm by peachesteaberry

It is January 2015. I have just turned 58. As we entered the dying of the year I turned away in a definite manner from Him who loves me. I acted out of fear and now it is fear that holds me back from a return to the warmth of the Son. I am afraid to trust Him. Afraid of what He might demand of me in the confessional and what the consequences of my action might be.

The consequences could be serious. Homelessness, poverty and even possible imprisonment. No one who knows me or observes my life would expect that I might be facing such things. My life looks so self assured. They don’t see my brain scurrying in futile circles trying to find a way to escape the consequences and yet still return. I know deep down it is futile. I know I need to accept what lies ahead. But fear holds me motionless. I can only beg for pity and mercy in the darkness as I writhe in misery.